Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Well that didn’t last long…

O.K.  I’m trying to have a positive attitude about this… all this talk about having so much hope for this year… ya, I may have spoken too soon.  We just found out today that the school Mitch goes to is dissolving.  They are making it a “transition place” for 18-22 year olds now.  Dr. Kay will be placed somewhere else, or so they say.  That is probably the thing I am most upset about.  We moved Mitch to this school because of Dr. Kay.  He loves these children and truly sees the best in them.  He fights for what they need.  In the meeting, I heard a lot of words like, “we hope so” and “the cost of that” and “we believe so”.  They are dispersing everyone to inclusive classrooms in elementary schools across the district.  Hello, we’ve already tried this with Mitch.  We didn’t like it, nor did Mitch, so we moved him to Oakridge.  Most of the parents there made the choice to be at Oakridge.  Why do you think that is?  He has made more improvements at Oakridge than he has anywhere else and he’s only been there for one full year.  Do the math.  That is AMAZING!  The thing that gets me is that the parents are the last ones to hear about it.  We don’t have a say or a choice.  The decision has already been made.  Today they TOLD us what was going to happen next fall, not “Hey, what do you think about this or what is your opinion?”  After all, we are only the parents of these kids, no one else is going to be their advocate.  Dr. Kay was a tremendous advocate for the kids and they are “getting rid of him.”  I am furious with this school district!   Mitch does have one definite advantage though, and that is Jolyn, his intervener.  Although, we have had problems in the past because Mitch gets sick all the time at a regular elementary school and has to miss a lot of days.  This has caused quite a few interveners to quit.  I know that Jolyn is not in it for the money so this gives me hope but I seriously can’t believe this is happening.  Mitch has been so happy at Oakridge.  Thank you, Dr. Kay, for loving our kids.  You will be missed.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry to hear about that. I hope he can transition well to whatever school he will go to. Sounds like Dr. Kay was really great.

    Here in Cedar City, our two youngest, Steven and Alex, are in the "transition place" you mentioned. It's a post-high school for 18-22 year olds and they love it. Steven will be 22 this September so he'll be out of the program by December 2011 and Alex will be 22 in 2013. Then we hope to get them into a group home together. We'll see what happens by then.

    --
    Steven Montgomery

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