Welcome to Holland: Stephanie

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Stephanie

This last Wednesday, my sister and I drove up to Shriner's Hospital for two reasons. One was to visit my neice, Madison, who had surgery on her spine to correct her Scoliosis on Monday. The second reason was for an orthotics appointment for Mitch. His dafo's are rubbing a sore on his foot, anyways... while I was sitting there waiting I met this woman and her daughter. I knew this woman was special right when we walked through the door. Immediately she told her daughter to switch seats with me so that Mitch wouldn't get hit by the door if someone walked in. Believe it or not, that is rare. She asked us what we were doing there and I told her Mitch's dafos were not fitting right and she said they were there for the same reason. I looked at her daughter a little closer and saw that she had a prosthetic leg and it was rubbing sores on her leg. I also noticed that her daughter was Chinese... I didn't ask if she was adopted because for all I knew her husband was Chinese also. We said good luck and goodbye when it was our turn to go back and that was it. When our appointment was over, I went back upstairs to join the rest of my family and they were no where to be found so I sat down at one of the tables and let Mitch play. On the second floor of the hospital there is a huge play area for all the kids... it seriously is amazing. I sat there a little while and pretty soon this woman from down stairs walked out of the elevator and we waved and smiled just like we were old friends and she sat down at my table with me. We started talking more and more about our families and she asked me a few questions about Mitch. She told me that she also had a few of her other children with her and she pointed them out to me, one of them was a son that had brittle bone disease and was there for an appointment that day too. Again, I noticed that he was Chinese just like his sister. The other was an older girl that looked a little different from the other two. That is when I started to think they were adopted. She went on to tell me that she had a son at home that was a lot like Mitch but that he was walking around... we compared stories and talked about how the whole walking thing has its definite disadvantages and we laughed about that. I asked her who was with her disabled son at home so she told me more about her family. Her oldest daughter was watching him that day. One thing led to another and pretty soon this woman pulled out a picture of her family and my jaw dropped to the ground! They had 4 children of their own that were all grown and then they had adopted 11 more children, many with disabilities. About half of them were from China and the other half were from this Indian tribe, which explained why her older daughter looked a little different. I sat there in tears and in absolute awe of this woman. It is one thing to have a child be born to you this way but it is quite another to CHOOSE to bring a child into your home that has disabilities, with all the stresses that come along with them, and she did! (SEVERAL TIMES!) One of the greatest blessings that comes from having a disabled child is that the most AMAZING people come into your life that you never would have met otherwise. I haven't been able to get this woman, Stephanie, out of my mind. I am kicking myself for hugging that sweet angel and then just letting her go without getting at least an email. I needed to meet her that day and I am so grateful! I love that the Lord sends us people along the way that help us on our journey. I am so grateful for Mitch in my life and for the people I meet because of him.