Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley. c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip- to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say, "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things... about Holland.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Redonkulous

The state medicaid system... that's what is redonkulous!  I have to laugh or I will cry thinking about it.  We just applied again because we have had such a drastic change to our income.  Do you know how much we have paid in medical bills for the past nine years?  You don't want to know.  We even sued our insurance company that dropped us when Mitch was born... FOR MEDICAID!  They got all of their money back from Mitch's nine month hospital stay when we won the lawsuit.  Do you think that we can get a little help now that our income has been greatly reduced?  NOOOOO!  All we got was a Utah Horizon Card for food:) WE DON'T NEED HELP WITH FOOD!  We need help with medical costs!  Hello!?!  I don't mean to sound ungrateful but c'mon, we need a little more than a card to get food with :)  I can't believe this...

On top of all the state's redonkulousness, we just got word from our mortgage company saying they won't modify our loan.  HELP!  We will be moving :) 

I was hoping that the silver lining of our situation would be qualifying for medicaid but I guess I will have to find a new silver lining :)  I am literally sick with stress and worry... I haven't been able to get out of bed since Saturday.  I finally went to the doctor today and got an antibiotic (I mean literally sick with sore throat and fever and headache) but I really think it is just from stress.  It can only go up from here right?  I will try to be optimistic!  Pray for us!
Posted by Courtney at 9:25 PM

4 comments:

  1. Steven MontgomeryAugust 3, 2010 at 10:02 PM

    I don't know your financial situation, so don't be offended if I'm ignorant, but have you applied for SSI for Mitch?

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  2. AnonymousAugust 4, 2010 at 7:54 AM

    NOOOO! I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I will be sad if you have to move :( Hope you get feeling better soon.

    ReplyDelete
  3. BeckAugust 4, 2010 at 1:40 PM

    Court this just means we need to have a BeckyCourt day again. It is time! Im SOOOOO sorry. But honestly this is good news. We can buy lots next to each other and make our perfect little neighborhood! Its a blessing in disguise :) I love you! Lets play!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. CandiceAugust 5, 2010 at 10:38 PM

    I'm so sorry to hear about all this. I can't imagine the medical bills you have had. I hope you figure something out that helps with the medical - I would be so sad to see you leave (even though I just see you guys in passing), I love your sweet family and seeing you. Wish I was better at getting out. Let me know if you need anything, I'd love to have your boys down (Maddock was so cute when he came with Cole that little bit ago). I need to be better at getting Jax out and mingling with kids, he is a homebody. Anyway, love you and your fam hope you are feeling better!

    ReplyDelete

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